For some, having a “tribe” or “village” comes easy. Some have been friends since they were in elementary school. Other’s slide right into a group and easily connect with them. I’m not one of those people. Feeling alone can be quite hard on your Mental Health. I know, I’ve been there.
Prior to having kids, I always said I didn’t need a big group of friends, and as long as I had a couple good friends, I was good. Then, when I had the oldest, things changed. I needed to be a part of a mom group, to go to play dates, and drink coffee while our kids played nearby.
I tried to befriend a few, each time I felt I was either chasing them away, or being judged by members within. It was a sad time. I was in the midst of Postpartum Depression, and pretending to be “okay” for those around me when inside I was dying.
There have been a couple of moms within a particular group who didn’t boot me off their Facebook pages right away, and occasionally I’d chat with them, or comment on something, but I was scared.
I remember exactly how it started this last time. Over a post I shared on Facebook that became quite the battle on my profile. It was through that post I reconnected with one of them. We set up a play date for our kids. Then we began getting together more and more with them. Add in a few other moms on down the road, and there you have it, my “village”
Within the last 10 months or so, these ladies and another couple who hang out occasionally with us have become my “village”. I have watched them look out for my kids. We have had conversations about all sorts of topics. We have laughed and had a great time & also panicked together when searching for a missing kid.
Saturday, I had the pleasure of attending a birthday party for a couple of the kids, and that is when it hit me. Being in a place by myself with 2 very different children is hard. I can’t always keep my eye on both. Watching these other moms and dads, I began to truly feel at ease as they kept an eye on and even HELPED my children.
I didn’t feel judged as though I was a bad mom. I wasn’t stressed as if I had to keep my eye on them both every single second. They managed to have an amazing time, and I did as well.
That night as I replayed the events of the day in my head, it really sunk in… I FOUND my village. I found the people who care about my family. The ones who don’t judge and instead hold their hand out to help. It felt surreal and at the same time it felt very real, and I’m very thankful I didn’t continue in hiding and give up on ever finding them.
So, here it is, don’t give up and just keep trying, just keep going. There is a “tribe” or “village” for everyone, you just have to find it 🙂
Do you have a “village”???